Are
you avoiding the tough conversations with you team members?
An
industrial psychologist in our firm has an interesting take on this issue: He
says there are two kinds of people: Those who know they may be avoiding
difficult conversations and those that don't know. In not addressing an
issue that you find critical, we know you're endorsing the very behavior that's
frustrating you. We call this 'Passive Endorsement'. Think of your silence as
an invitation for continuing the very behaviors or processes which you find
counterproductive or irritating.
Sometimes
we avoid these discussions because we expect an unpleasant negative
reaction. In many cases avoidance is used with good intentions, such as:
"She already has too much on her plate. I don't want to add to her
burdens"; or "He's having some trouble at home. This just isn't the
right time"; or "My team is already stressed about this issue. Why
add fuel to the fire?"
Whether
kindly-meant or fear-based, the results can be deadly. They can limit your
organization's flexibility, diminishing your competitive position in the
marketplace, and ultimately putting people's jobs in jeopardy. Maybe even
yours.
The
organization that engages in and resolves the most difficult discussions the
quickest, has, and maintains a huge competitive advantage. Consider this: The
higher you are on the organizational chart, the more dangerous your silence
becomes.
Here
are three emotionally intelligent ways to engage in potentially challenging
discussions:
Use
a permissive approach:
Say something like "I have an observation which I think might be difficult
for you to hear. Could you suggest a good time and place to share it with
you?"
Use
a contrasting statement:
"Overall I think
our relationship is good, but that's a topic for another time. Right now I'd
like to discuss my impression that you've been interrupting me in
meetings."
Be
vulnerable:
"I need to discuss something with you, but I don't know how to approach
it. Will you help me get started?" Remember that vulnerability is the
conduit to trust, and trust is the foundation of all successful relationships.
Remember: Silence is your enemy when there is
a need to resolve conflicts. Finding a way to address these issues is your best
way to effect change.
Dynamic
Results